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This may very well have gone around the nation, but I have never received such an obvious scam e-mail. And I'm pretty sure no one in Rochester, Minnesota has either. Correct me if I'm wrong by e-mail at james.rabe@townsquaremedia.com

Have you been thru the safety training to spot bad e-mails? I have. Too many times. I feel like I could recite it as easily as the Lord's Prayer. But still, they try...

We received notice of negligent acts and your failure to comply with CPE and CPD requirements, and as such, we are determined to issue disciplinary action against you, inclusive of a fine. Still, before embarking on such activity, we need you to appeal the reports in the brief document attached.

First...what? CPE and CPD? I don't even know what those are. Accounting terms? E-mail terms? The ingredients that make Chik-Fil-A so worthy of long lines?

Possibles for CPE...

  • Chicken, Pepper, Education
  • Cinnamon Peach Empanadas
  • Catholic Protestant Etch-A-Sketch

Possibles for CPD...

  • Cash Profit Donuts
  • Cinnamon Pizza Dough
  • Crunch Paveway Deficiency
James rabe's email

OK, after that we get to, "Still, before embarking on such activity, we need you to appeal the reports in the brief document attached."

Which is basically,

We're going to stab you thru the ears for your failure, HOWEVER, please click on the attachment. Seriously...just one click? Half a click? Why do you hate us James...I saw you making out with that Private Message! If you can't take me at my PLEASE CLICK ON THE OVIOUSLY FAKE ATTACHMENT, then you don't deserve me at my best!"

Or something like that. A five year old would recognize that as Bad News Bears.

Dear Scammers -

I'm not asking you to do better, I'm just saying...Phisher Phools, your game sucks.

XO

James (and yes I WAS cheating on you with Facebook Messenger. A much better kisser. Messenger at least brushes their teeth now and then/)

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